Friday, December 31, 2010

Wish

Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes. ~Oscar Wilde, Lady Windemere's Fan, 1896

I have gained a lot of experience this year. No matter whether we get into something new or not, we make mistakes, then recuperate and finally count it as an experience. This phenomenon continues year after year. New set of mistakes and hence new experience. But this need not necessarily be the case.

A friend of mine maintains a small diary where she enters all the unaccomplished wishes of her life; some as trivial as to get a box of color pencils, to stack up the fridge with icecream. She gets back to the diary often to remind herself about those unaccomplished wishes.

One might say, "Isn't it like having a to-do list?" Of course it is but to have a to-do list with entries which are the wishes from childhood onwards is different.

Whenever she finds a funny looking pencil she buys that, though she hardly uses a pencil, and adds to her collection. One day she stacked up her fridge full with ice-cream. Sounds crazy, but it does give some kind of satisfaction or kind of accomplishment.

It is definitely better than having many resolution at the beginning of every year but never accomplish any of them.

My last post of the year 2010.....

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Gone Silent

I was the apple of his eye. Dawn to dusk I accompanied him, no matter where he went. I always reminded him his appointments. Contacts of his friends and acquaintances were always at my finger tips. Sometimes he would ask me to hush up and be quite. Sometimes he would ask me to sing. I did all that he asked me to do; with diligence and obedience. Yet...

Ever since we moved to this new place, he has changed. He is no longer the one I knew. I keep asking myself do I know this guy. He has changed a great deal. He hardly looks at me for days. And sometimes would yell at me, "Damn phone! gets discharged in less than a day" and plugs the charger.

Poor me, what wrong did I do to him. If he ain't got any friends here, it isn't my fault. I lie on the bed or the table with no one to care, with no one to call. I'm GONE SILENT.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Rendezvous

The truth elusive to me;
the truth elusive to God.
Her thoughts and her mind!

An unusual gleam was in her eyes.
Was it the tears,
Or a mirage of some sort.

My heart sobbed;but she smiled.
Was that a real smile,
Or a veil of some sort.

I flinched for a moment.
Was that her,
Or an impostor of some sort.

The truth elusive to me;
the truth elusive to God.
Her thoughts and her mind!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Trip to tirupati

This is a brief account of my first trip to Tirupati. I was accompanied by my colleague and one of my best friends, Rajesh. At the offset let me say, it was a riveting experience.

Tirupati temple is on the top of a hill called Tirumala while Tirupati is the town at the foot of the hill. We started our journey on 31st of August. There was a fleet of bus heading to Tirupati at the ever buzzing Majestic bus station of Bangalore. Rajesh was late on the day which was quite unusual, because its always the other way round; he waits for me. At last he came, to my surprise he looked more like on a trek than a pilgrimage; with his puma tracks, backpack and all. He wanted to board an APSRTC bus (a loyal Andhraite.. LOL), but I pulled him onto a KSRTC bus. The bus was decently furnished with plush seats. 31st of August was a working day and both of us were tired, in no time we were fast asleep. Next day, i.e. September 1st around 5:30 am we reached Tirupati bus station. I had a very good sleep, for I am more accustomed to travelling than Rajesh. For a long time he complained of not getting proper sleep, bad quality of buses and comparison of Indian roads to that of West, of course with lot of statistics (give a topic and its rare that Rajesh can't give you some numbers on that, and to be honest 99.99% of the time he is dead accurate)

There are three ways of getting the darshanam. One is to get to the temple via steps (around 4000 steps, which according to Rajesh comes up to some 10km) and is free of cost. Second way is to get the ticket of Rs50 and get to the temple premises by bus. Third is ofcourse for the able, take a Rs300 ticket to get darshanam early (I don't understand the funda, money rules I guess).

Our plan was to go by steps. The steps start at Alipiri. So we took the Tirumala bus from Tirupati bus station and alighted at Alipiri. Once we were done with the morning chores we started climbing the long fleet of steps. At Alipiri there is a provision to get the luggage carried to the top free of cost. I was adamant on not giving my bag to anyone I don't know for what reason. Rajesh gave his backpack there. At the beginning the steps were quite steep and some of them were numbered.

Though we were sweating heavily, Rajesh told me that the weather was too good and it won't get better than this. After every 100 steps or so we paused for a minute or two. There were lot of pilgrims, from all age groups. Kids running along the steps (much to my envy), middle aged and old men and women. All of them were quite supple in their movements as compared to us. Some of them were applying turmeric paste on the steps while some were lighting camphor on each step. I kept wondering how they managed to climb the steps and light camphor at the same time. Their agility was really commendable (I guess they might have done that a lot many times). There were street hawkers and vendors along the steps. Half way through we had our breakfast, idli-vada with sambhar and chutney.

As I mentioned earlier there are around 4000 steps in total. We can think of the difficulty in climbing the steps as an analogy to life. At some parts its very easy and at some parts its very difficult, so is life some times it goes on smoothly and sometimes its full of hardships.

We reached the top of the hill around 10 am. We then roamed around to find some accommodation, but in vain. Some of them had counters for VIP recommendation, i.e. come with some recommendation letter from a MP or an MLA and you will get a room quite easily. After an hour long search we had to settle for a free locker facility. We bought a locker and then kept all our belongings there. After bath we left to the temple.

By the time we reached temple it was 12 and it was closed. We were told that it would reopen at 2pm. We then had lunch roamed around. The sun was overhead and the heat unbearable. Around 10 minutes to 2pm we reached the free darshanam gate and it was flooded with people. With that started the second phase, the wait for the darshanam. We had to wait for around 3 hours for the darshanam. Amidst pulling and pushing we somehow got inside the temple premises. As we get the darshanam for less than a minute, I had my little prayer and then came out of the temple.

With that started the third phase, getting the prasadam. This was the most toughest part. People though within the temple premises, soon became barbaric. Shouting and pushing trying to get ahead of the queue. They tested my patience for around 30 minutes and I finally gave up. I declared I don't want the prasadam. I was furious and disappointed, such was behaviour of the other devotees. I barely escaped from getting my shirt torn in the queue. Then Rajesh suggested to go to first floor for collecting the laddoos. Thankfully there was no crowd and we got the prasadam in less than five minutes.

With that the fourth phase started, journey back to Bangalore. We collected our belongings at the locker room and set our return journey. Rajesh suggested to go back by train. I was a lot skeptical about his idea, but had to give in. He goes on by some intuition and most of the times it works. This time he claimed that the half the train would become empty once it reaches Tirupati. But when the train finally arrived hardly some people got down. Again to his luck, there was one compartment with empty seats. We got onto that compartment. His next claim was that at that hour ticket examiner wouldn't bother to come and check the tickets. But the Ticket Examiner came and asked for tickets. I was so fast asleep that I didn't witness all that happened next. Rajesh's part of the story says, the TTE came and asked him the tickets. He searched the pockets and couldn't find the tickets. He then told him that the tickets are with me. He asked him whether he should wake me up or not. But when TTE saw me in deep sleep he felt pity and left (neither exaggerated nor abridged.. LOL). Next day morning we reached Bangalore.

It was really a riveting experience. Hope will get more chances to visit the temple... :)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I hate u!!!

You don't care about me!!!
Look, what have you done to me?

I warned you a million times. Didn't I?
I knew this day wasn't far.

Now you tell me what are you gonna do?
Oh! yeah you have your God damn excuses.

My mirror reflection screamed at me,

I HATE YOU

Oh man! I have put on a lot of weight.
Where are my track pants?
Where are my shoes?

Isn't it raining? Ah it is!
See I earnestly wish to shed my weight, but its raining... :-P

Saturday, August 21, 2010

We talk too much

The following quote is from one of the James Hadley Chase thriller that I was reading last week.

We talk too much instead of just enjoying ourselves as everyone else does. We talk, analyse and worry. Life's too hollow to stand up to that kind of treatment. We've just got to accept it, otherwise we'll never get anywhere


Its quite true but not always. There is no point in worrying about every trivial issue that comes our way. Its sometimes good to accept them and move on. There is lot more to enjoy in life.

Some times when we get on from one problem to another, apparently weren't left with any other choice but to talk, analyse and worry. Though I slightly disagree with the last part. I would rather prefer, talk analyse and rework. It's easily said, but quite a big thing to implement.

To judge which problem is worth worrying and which not is pretty tough. Hope I would learn that soon. :)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

My oldest pal

I was packing all my stuff and I ended up with a cartonful of books. It was an assortment of fiction, classics, jokes and technical books. Some were read many times and some with not even half the pages read.

I wasn't fond of reading books until my eighth or ninth grade. Then I met my oldest pal, The Public Library, Kollam. It was after my twelfth that I got membership at the local public library.

"A big old building at the centre of the town, guarded by the shades of the big trees. I always wondered what an awful place for a library, as it was right next to the railway station. It had a huge collection of books. The reading room used to be sparsely occupied. The ground floor had all the novels and classics. It was always deserted. Many of the racks untouched for years and with dust settled on all the books.
First and Second floor had magazines and technical books. Students aspiring for competitive exams would go up there to refer the latest magazines and current affair books.
Then there was this lobby with all newspapers. Some people throng this place at afternoon, there is no better place than a library to a take a little nap."


It has been a long time since I visited the public library, my oldest pal.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Ihr Lächeln

I saw your jovial smile from a distance. You were at the parking lot, clad in white and I could see the radiant smile through your helmet. It made me feel that nothing would ever make you more happier than my presence.

I saw your shy smile under the flickering candle as you pushed the locks of hair behind your ear. Nothing ever looked as beautiful as your smile. It made me feel that I couldn't have got any one better than you.

I saw your tired smile at the mall as you came up the escalator after a day long slogging at office. You tried to give the best of your smiles, but you were tired and devoid of energy. It made me feel that for you there isn't anything more important than me.

I saw your sore smile at the park as you tried to drive away the tears. I could see your eyes getting moistened, I could see the pain deep within. It made me feel there couldn't be anything worse than this.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Need a little more!!!

Voluntarily and Involuntarily we always wish for more...

Even when we say we are content with what we have got, somewhere down the deep alleys of our thoughts we still wish, "a little more would have been better". Don't we?

A pen when we get a pencil
An ink pen when we get a ball pen.

A mobile..
A hi-fi mobile when we get a normal one.

A little more pocket money...
A little more hike...

5% more discount..
One more scoop of ice cream...

1 more hour of sleep...
1 more hour of play...

5 more mins to write the final answer in the exam..
.... its an endless list....

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.” - Robert Fritz

Its easier said than done.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

A much coveted friend!!!


Dedicated to one of my best friends...

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” - Tennessee Williams

A friend so dear.
So far yet so near;

Lights up thy spirit,
When nothing seems rational.
Brightens you up,
When everything seems hazy.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Über mich

Should i call myself intelligent.
Many would agree,
For the accolades that I carry.
Many would disagree,
For being so dumb at times.

Should i call myself handsome.
Many would agree,
As my prejudiced mom says so.
Many would disagree,
As eyesight never deceives.

Should i call myself a hero.
Many would agree.
So am i to my bro.
Many would disagree.
So am i to my foe.

Should i call myself articulate.
Many would agree,
So am I at times.
Many would disagree,
Having seen me stammer on stage.

Should i call myself sane.
Many would agree,
For i preach so well.
Many would disagree,
For my atrocities.

Should i call myself a good friend.
Hope many would agree,
For i don't see a reason
To be otherwise :).

Friday, April 30, 2010

Rolling stone gathers no moss

Does the old proverb, "Rolling stone gathers no moss" fit anywhere in the current software industry? Stone apparently refers to the software engineer. And moss refers to either "the experience" or "the remunerations" one gets from the industry. And it is obvious that each would imply a different meaning.....

Its just a thought that came across my mind while reading a book. I leave the conclusion to the judgement of the readers.... :)

ALAN COHEN says and I quote, "It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.".

Friday, April 9, 2010

My Wallet !!!

Opened my wallet
only to see its photo holder Empty!
With a profound sigh
Slid it back to my back pocket.
Oblivious of the reason
For opening the wallet.

Days passed by; Months Passed by
So did Summers and winters

Opened my wallet
only to see her photo after she has long gone.
With a profound sigh
Slid it back to my back pocket.
Oblivious of the reason
For opening the wallet.

Days passed by; Months passed by
So did Summers and Winters

Opened my wallet
Only to see the corners threadbare and torn
With a profound sigh
Emptied it and dumped around the corner.
oblivious of the reason
For opening the wallet.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Sparrows

March 20th was declared as "World House Sparrow Day". It was then that I realized I haven't seen a house sparrow for a long long time. Are we going to witness the extinction of yet another creation of The Almighty?

I don't intend to write anything on how the plight of the sparrows have changed over the years. But i would definitely wish people to ponder about this issue. Its true that "Survival of the fittest" is how the nature works. But don't we have any obligations to our fellow creatures? Do we have the right to sabotage their habitat?

As most of my childhood was in the rural backdrop, every morning i used to hear chirrups of the sparrows; soothing at times and sometimes annoying. The fence around my house had lot of creepers growing on them and they used to hop from one twig to another.

I still remember the day when I held a sparrow for the fist time. One of the sparrows got itself tangled in the creeper and there were distress calls all around. I then got it out of that. I caressed it for some time and then let it go. My childhood instincts wanted to keep that bird for myself. But mom said it wouldn't survive and finally i had to give in.

They used to quench their thirst from the water dripping from the garden pipe. And take bath in the puddles of muddy water formed by the rains. By twilight they used to flock on the bars of the TV antenna as if they are gossiping. And later they vanish and I used to wonder where they sleep at night. By morning they are back garrulously chirping and hopping from one twig to another.

As I look at the endless concrete jungle from my balcony I helplessly wonder what is it that I could do for these little birds?

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Ever Thine.. Ever Mine.. Ever Ours..

"Ever Thine. Ever Mine. Ever Ours."

An excerpt from the famous love letters of Beethoven. And it means, he is ever hers as she is ever his and they are ever one. So very beautifully said. These letters were recovered after the death of Beethoven.

I don't recollect when was the last time I had written a letter, let alone a love letter; which to the best of my knowledge I haven't ever. The thought about letters is not only overwhelmingly nostalgic but thought provoking.

I still remember the days when I used to eagerly wait for the letters from my dad with the small paragraphs meant for me and my brother, the letters that i used to write in cursive style flaunting my calligraphy skills and the postcards that i used to send to my friends.

I wonder whether the generations to come would ever experience the joy of writing letters or receiving them from the khaki clad postman. Less efficient and crude ways should always pave way for more efficient ways nevertheless we shouldn't be forgetting them. The day when we will start celebrating "World letters day" doesn't look far-fetched.


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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Summer Rain

Sun shows its fury forming mirages all around. The terrain gets parched and dusty. Suddenly the azure sky turns dark and heavy downpour follows. The redolence of parched earth absorbing water fills the air. Every drop of water that falls on the concrete walls gets evaporated. Birds perch on to every available shade trying to evade the huge rain drops. Petals of the drooping flowers on getting moistened pop up. Rain water from the roof tops converge to form small streams and meander through the space available between the plants in the garden.


However all this doesn’t last long. The blue sky comes back, as if the sun has chased away the dark clouds. The streams that were once flowing ferociously die out. Birds come out the shades chirruping merrily. By now the rain has washed away all the dust on the leaves. Everything around us looks green giving a mystic pleasure to our eyes. Crystalline rain drops drip from the leaf tips and flower petals. The droplets on the tip of the grass shine like diamonds spread on a green velvet. A beautiful rainbow appears across the blue sky amidst the white clouds.


In a day’s time everything slips back to the original state. Dust accumulates on the leaves, land becomes parched. Flowers droop under the scorching sun. Chirruping of the birds sound like a melancholy strain.


Some people are like this short burst of summer rain. They come into our lives out of nowhere; and make our life merrier and joyful. And then just disappear into nowhere leaving back some memories.

Friday, March 19, 2010

When the unexpected happened !!!

"A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes" - Mark Twain

So very true, isn't it. Something that we always longed to have when finally becomes true it looks so very unexpected. We nurture ourselves in such a way that when we know that what we wish to have in life is difficult to achieve, we make ourselves believe that we dont wish such a thing.

One fine day out of the blue our wish becomes true. We then start day dreaming, forgeting the very fact that it was something that we never expected to happen. We start building a hypothetical life around the wish. It grows and keeps on growing like cobwebs. Finally it becomes so enormously big that we never come out of that.

God then plays the cruel joke. Everything that we built around the wish starts falling apart. We are back to square one.

Then there would be questions that keep haunting us. What is it that we have done wrong ? Is it that we stopped being pragmatic or is that our efforts weren't sincere enough to make the dreams become true. Who is to be blamed here? A tough call indeed.